I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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