1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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