my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
