can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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