i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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