Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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