and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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