I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
