I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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