I'm really into asian looking animals
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk is not a location!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
