It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
