paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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