the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
