If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
