she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
