There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
