I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
