my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
