dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
