I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the raccoons are back...
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