Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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