she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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