You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We need to get me chipped asap
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
