We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
