He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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