so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
