just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
