What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
