; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
