This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
