I just pynch a tree in the face
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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