Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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