She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
