i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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