one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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