she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
