By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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