She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
