I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
