Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
