She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
