What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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