If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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