Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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