I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
