worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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