found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
