dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
