No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
