Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
